Reflections & Reminders

I wrote the following almost a year ago.  I've spent a lot of time journaling lately and seeking answers to the many questions I have for God.  As I began to pray I was reminded of my own words....

I’ve been attending Peoples Church for a few months now, and Pastor Dale did a series recently about living a life of worship that has been resonating with me. He began by asking us three questions: Did you come worshipping, did you come to worship, or did you just come? 

My faith has had many ups and downs, and in all honesty, the lows have far outweighed the highs. Growing up as a pastor’s kid, I always felt this added pressure, like I was held to a higher standard than others my age. It wasn’t a pressure my parents put on me, but instead an unspoken expectation I felt from others, that I was supposed to set an example. My dad’s role also made me privy to situations that transpired within the church behind the scenes, and I didn’t like what I saw. Through my own insecurities and natural disposition to focus on the negative, I rebelled from the pressure I felt, hypocrisy and judgement I saw, and I let other people affect my relationship with God. 

As soon as church wasn’t a requirement, I stopped going. And while I never doubted Gods existence, for numerous years, that belief was all I had- a proactive relationship with Him just wasn’t there. To describe the road that led me back to the church would be a long winded series of failures, but ultimately I came to realize that I needed Him to satisfy me, and that He would help use the scars I had gained to bring Him glory.

As this sermon series progressed, Pastor Dale also spoke about our selfish and complaining disposition in regards to worship, especially within church. He spoke of the debates congregations often have over music styles, preaching topics, etc. These points really hit home with me, as I heard and saw the stress that these issues put on my parents most of my life. He went on to reiterate that worship is not about us, which reminded me of the very first line in A Purpose Driven Life, “It’s not about you”. The purpose of worship, and our life, is far greater than what style of music fulfills us, or if the pastor’s sermon that week transforms our faith in a major way. 

We try so hard to use God for our own self-actualization, but that is the opposite of what we’re called to do and it will only lead to failure. We put so much effort and thought into the ways that the church fails us, but complaining is contradictory to our Christian calling. The Bible describes complaining as a sin of rebellion, the root of which is a heart of unbelief and distrust. Do you think that your worship leader, pastor, etc. are not praying for God’s guidance? Do we not trust that God knows what’s best for us? There are times when a particular song or morning of music just doesn’t do it for me, but then I think, what if it’s helping the person next to me? Or mornings when a sermon about marriage or children isn’t necessarily feeling relatable to my life, but could be helping numerous others in the room. 

This whole series also gave me a whole new understanding and appreciation for my dad, and all that he goes through in trying to lead and meet the needs of an entire congregation. I never fully recognized all the pressure he faces. I was so weak that I allowed unspoken standards of people to push me away from the church, yet my parents, and more significantly, my dad, face these on a significantly grander scale while still having to lead people to the best of their ability. So then I start to wonder- Why do we require more of our leaders than we do of ourselves? Why is it so easy to focus on the ways that we are being failed instead of striving to seek ways to bring Him more glory? I keep coming back to this basic truth- the cross has abolished our right to complain, for we deserve far worse. Any and all worship brings Him glory, so just worship. 

There are numerous ways that I have let the Devil in, or watched him take focus away from what should be the center within our faith and churches. I realize now, that to defeat that sin, I must come once again to the questions Pastor Dale began with: Did you come worshipping, did you come to worship, or did you just come? These are questions I, now, must internally ask myself regularly, and do my best to make choices that are routine of a person who approaches all aspects of life worshiping. 

(And to my dad, who has to wrestle with the wants of others daily, all while trying to heed God's calling for his own life and the lives of His people- I admire you more than you can know! You stand and share your heart constantly. The strength and vulnerability that takes is far beyond what I could ever do. I have always been so impressed by your faith and abilities-you are amazing and I am so grateful that God allows me to see and hear Him through you!)